All it takes is one partner to start lacking desire in the bedroom for a relationship to go completely haywire. Hypoactive sexual desire disorder is characterized as an extreme lack of desire for sexual activity; it can be triggered by illness, medication, depression or psychological difficulties (and occasionally by means of a sour relationship). A more serious condition would be sexual aversion syndrome, in which a person actively avoids all genital contact. Victims of sexual abuse may also develop a lack of desire toward sexual activity as well. Extreme parenting methods and dogmatic religious practices can also manifest themselves as a lack of desire in adulthood. Lack of desire can also be triggered by hormonal changes brought on by menopause or hysterectomy.
As the story goes; one partner begins to lose interest in sex (probably because of the lack of mutual reward) and as a result, things go from bad to worse. These unfortunate sufferers may be women who cannot climax or men who suffer from ED; most resort to simply ‘switching-off’ their sexual desires in self defense. It is interesting to note that when the mechanical difficulties are corrected the desire always returns to these people.
It’s important to see a doctor if you or your partner are experiencing chronic and pervasive lack of desire first. After you’ve established that your condition is not of a medical nature, you can explore options with a therapist
Men don’t like to talk about their loss of libido because of the social implications, and neither do their lovers for that matter. But there is no greater burden on a marriage than lack of desire to perform together in sexual congress. .
Losing interest in sex may not be as common an occurrence for men as it is for women: It affects about 15% to 16% of men, and at least double that many women. “But when men lose interest in sex it scares them more than women — their masculinity is so linked to their sexuality that it is very threatening,” says Esther Perel, a couples therapist in New York city and author of Mating in Captivity.
According to the research, men associate a lot of emotion with their libido, and the loss of it accounts for general unhappiness in all of their other endeavors and feelings.
Only 23% of men with loss of libido say they still feel very happy about life in general vs. 46% of women, says Edward Laumann, professor of sociology at the University of Chicago co-author of The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States. “It bothers men more” he goes on to say.
Luckily, loss of libido is not something that you just have to deal with; now, there are steps you can take. Currently, a wealth of information exists that can help you regain your sexual zest. .
How to tell if you have lost your libido
Libido loss occurs over a longer period of time – it’s not like morning acne at all. Libido loss is a pretty challenging condition to properly define, but Laumann exacts it as: “a lack of interest in sex for several months out of the year.”
You can’t always measure sexual interest levels by how many times you do the vertical mambo in the bedroom because (as we all know) life creates so many distractions to derail the act itself. If you are pursuing, or are a part of committed relationship and are not engaging in sex as frequently, you might need to ask yourself some important questions about said relationship.
The following are some typical symptoms of libido loss-
1. Bedroom is the only place for physical contact.
2. Sex no longer creates a feeling of connection.
3. One person becomes the instigator and the other a reluctant accomplice.
4. Sex isn’t something you look forward to
5. Sex simply becomes a task.
6. You never fantasize about your significant other.
7. Sex becomes monthly or bi-monthly.
What causes male libido loss?
ED (also referred to as impotence), is not necessarily the same thing as libido loss, but they often travel together so to speak “Only 7% of young men report being unable to keep an erection,” states Laumann. “It’s 12% by age 40, 18% for ages 50-59; and then a sharp rise by age 60 to 25%to 30%,” says Laumann. ED also becomes more prevalent with age.
Most men report two chief troubles with regards to sex, worries about lack of performance and premature ejaculation. According to Laumann, “Almost one in three men report premature ejaculation, while under one in five are worried about performance”
Self esteem also plays a significant role in male libido as well as stress. “If a man’s performance at work is challenged, and he doesn’t feel he is achieving or doesn’t feel self-worth, he often numbs himself sexually,” claims Perel, “Desire is a healthy form of entitlement — when you don’t feel deserving, you shut down.”
Specific Medical Conditions
There are certain medical conditions that can seriously damage a man’s libido. Illnesses like cancer or depression will certainly hamper sexual desire. Cardiovascular problems, hypertension, or diabetes can also reduce blood flow to certain areas of the body (genitalia, for example) which can also put a damper on libido. Over consumption of alcohol is notorious for elevating desire and ruining performance. Conditions like thyroid disorders or tumors of the pituitary gland, which is responsible for most hormone production, can also inhibit libido as well.